It’s my first post of 2018, welcome back.
My first comeback post is something which I have been thinking a lot about since my most recent interview. So, you know how it is. You’re sat in a room with a person in front of you, who has a computer/tablet or maybe even a notebook in front of them, ready to note down any info they may need to remember about you. You are on your guard to not say the complete wrong thing and mess up your chance of grabbing your dream job. The topic comes up about what experience you have that can fit in the role. I note off all the experience I’ve had, ticking them off in my head and then mention something I have rarely, rarely mentioned in interviews before.
My blog. This little space on the internet. As soon as I said it, I gulped. HARD. My blog isn’t about the blogs I usually read. My blog isn’t a fashion blog or a beauty blog, sharing my latest finds and reviews. It did start out as that if you wanted to scroll down three years worth of posts, but not no more. My blog speaks MENTAL HEALTH.
Of course, when I mentioned I blogged about MH, they asked… so, how did that come about? I could feel myself sweating already and panicking. I know there is so much stigma around mental health issues when applying for jobs. Some job applications that I’ve applied for have asked: do you suffer from mental health? I mean… I may be wrong in this but, something in me tells me… surely this can deter you from getting a job. It shouldn’t do, but the stigma around mental health is STILL so strong. I have not once mentioned, apart from the internship/freelance position of social media/content creation I’ve been doing since August, that I suffer from Trichotillomania and Anxiety… quite strong with it too.
So, after that question I could feel myself already sinking in the VERY plastic chair I was sat on trying to think of what I could say, until I literally blurted it out. “I pull my hair out and it has a name, Trichotillomania.” I was expecting the person to be like ???? I only expected this because I’ve had this reaction before. You pull your hair out? I was expecting the tens of questions after such as… Does it hurt? Why can’t you stop? You would know if you suffer with Trichotillomania the questions that can occur.
But no. This person, smiled and said… I’ve heard of it before. I’ve seen about it on a TV programme before. They also said, thank you so much for sharing with me so early on and being honest. I can’t tell you the amount of relief I felt. I was sweating waiting for their response. I honest to god thought I had messed the whole thing up.
Ever since, however, I haven’t got it out of my mind. It made me feel quite weird and down when I got home. I still think that maybe I could of said it in a different way, but… I’m so proud of me, for telling a person I had only met 20 or so minutes ago, what was once my deepest and darkest secret. I’m not ashamed of having Trichotillomania. Believe me, a few years ago I was. I would never of dreamt of telling one person what it was and I would cry every night when I literally could NOT STOP PULLING. But now, I’ve accepted it as part of me. There is no cure for Trichotillomania. I will always have it for the rest of my life. It’s about time I accepted it as part of me? Don’t you think?
The biggest part of this is… I cannot help but think I’ve maybe broken some of the stigma… just a little bit? That has always been my dream. It is what I’m passionate about when it comes to MH. BREAKING THE STIGMA DOWN.
As soon as I got home, I decided to do a little compare of my hair. I do this every couple of years, just to see how far I’ve come. If you have Trichotillomania you’re gonna know that it comes in waves. Sometimes it is horrendously bad other times you find yourself pulling a few times throughout the day. At the beginning of 2017 my hair was in a horrendous way and it just got worse and worse and worse all the way through the year until around, perhaps October time. It eased a little. I was so done with staying awake until 4AM pulling and pulling. Crying about why do I have this? Why me?
My dream has always been to have my hair all one length. No matter the length, just to be one length and… I can proudly say… I’M ALMOST THERE. I have attached a collage of my most recently selfie at the top, compared to a graduation photo and my hair (ignore the awful blonde pic with my double chin… that is not OK, I only put it up because of my hair) from at the beginning of the year at the bottom.
I can safely say, 2018 has to be the year I win more than Trichotillomania.
Now, let’s hope I hear good news from this job… it’s my time now? Surely!