Busting Anxiety πŸ’ͺ🏻

Ever had an awful feeling something so simple as a conversation you haven’t had yet, take over your every thought and action? Last week was a big week for me reguarding beating one part of mental health I battle against every day – anxiety. I haven’t discussed anxiety in itself on my blog before but it’s time I did. I’m so proud of myself. So so SO proud of myself.


Here’s some feelings I have put into questions that I experienced:

How many times and how many conversations can you really make up that could potentially happen but then to just think constantly about the answers and how you could perhaps change the way you respond to them can one person make?

How many nights will I lack sleep or have disturbed sleep?

How many of them nights will I wake up in a sweat/panic?

How much hair will I have pulled out due to Trich thinking it is a great time to play up? (Oh Trich just never lets me live, it has me under its thumb… grrrrr)

To finish, how many times will my dreams incorporate this meeting and make me think of every single thing that could go wrong and resulting in waking up with my heart going so fast it makes me shake? All over one meeting, that my mind over thought and over thought and would not let me rest.

It was like this whilst outside the room where I had this meeting, let alone the lead up to it. My anxiety was literally shouting at me whilst on my way and outside, telling me to go back home and I wasn’t worthy of talking to someone. That the person I was about to talk to didn’t care and that no one cares. That what I was feeling, I deserved. Anxiety is a nasty, nasty thing to live with. It makes it so hard to get on with your daily life without having these potential set-backs. The reality of anxiety is, it is not cute. Anxiety isn’t trendy. It is awful to feel this way over things that would be so normal to do for every other person. It frustrates me no end the stigma surrounding anxiety.

The day before I had one of the most incredible books delivered* to me. The book is called “We’re All Mad Around Here” and is a guide on how to cope and survive social anxiety. It’s written by a fab lady called Claire Eastham and I have a lot to thank this woman. When she asked me if I’d like a proof copy of this book I couldn’t turn it down. I read the entire book in one night and she made me feel less alone. The way the book is written is like she is talking to you. There is the perfect mix between the science of why these feelings happen and her own experiences. The addition of Claire’s own experiences makes you feel like you’re not alone, especially when you can relate. I learnt an awful, awful lot about social anxiety from this book. I learnt ways that I can help myself and I learnt ways I can help others.

I was able to take what I learnt from this book to before my meeting to make me feel less anxious and nervous. I will be reading this book again, especially if I’m ever in that situation.


I’m proud of myself, that although all the signals in my mind told me to turn around and go home, I was able to overcome them and go into the meeting. Even if the lady told me to put my laptop down because I was shaking too much and was making her feel giddy. I did it. I didn’t let anxiety and it’s overpowering thoughts take over. I’m so glad I did too, it helped me a lot.

If you have something important coming up and you’re in the same situation I believe you can do it. If I was in the state I was and did it, you can as well. You’ve got totally got this. Bust anxiety in the floor and show it, you’re the boss… not anxiety.
** I was sent this as a little gift not as a sponser! Thank you so much to the lovely Claire 😘

Just a little note…

University started again this week and I feel like it’s given me a massive smack around the face. Finally going into the final stretch of my university life and head first into third year is so daunting. Suddenly everything feels so real. It’s now all about getting them grades that will help get me my future after. I have so many anxieties about this such as if I actually have the skills I need to be able to do this in the first place. In fact I think this worries me more than it should. Damn you brain

Sadly it means that I’m going to have to step down a little from my blog. I want to try and post every week but I’m not sure it’s going to happen. I’m going to be trying to juggle university with a job and can already feel the stress. I really hope you all understand. 

 I’ve had the most incredible support over the summer from this blog… it is so crazy that five months ago no one apart from myself knew I had Trichotillomania. I kept it as my own little secret away from the world. I was so ashamed of it and I thought even if I went to try and explain to people they would not understand. I mean, hell even I don’t understand it. It’s a difficult thing to understand if you’re suffering from it yourself, let alone someone who hasn’t. Thank you to every single person has got in contact with me after my posts of Trichotillomania. If you suffer from Trich yourself or know someone who has it then please, if you need someone to talk to… I’ll be here always. 

I’m so proud that through my little space on the internet I was able to reach out to people about this awful illness and try and bring understanding and awareness to people literally all over the world. 

Another thing I’m incredibly proud of is THIS. The first picture is my hair two years ago compared to one of my latest selfies (I take way too many!) HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED!!! I’m not going to lie to you all, I teared up seeing this. I’ve always always dreamed of having hair all the same length, ever since Trich took over and… I’M ALMOST THERE. Almost


Hope to speak to you guys soon. 1st October – 7th October is BFRB (body focussed repetitive behaviour) awareness week and Trich falls underneath this. I’m hoping to post through this week. Thank you with everything I have for supporting this blog and I hope you all continue to, even if I may be a little quiet. MUCH LOVE and remember I’m always here if you’re struggling. Don’t fight it alone. You’ve got this.

Trichy Days and Massive Goals

The blog for today has been inspired by the amount of support I’ve received from people of the inter-webs and people whoΒ I know. I’m so overwhelmed from the messages I receive when I post Trich blogs.

When I wroteΒ my first ever Trich post I was so nervous. It was my little secret, something which although it destroys me and makes me emotional as well as angry, it was one thing the world didn’t know about me. Of course if people had seen me they would have noticed the 100 million times which my arm reaches my hair to grab the strands and snap off, but they may not necessary know the term for it. Many people thought it was a bad habit and something I would snap out of and just stop. Through my blog I hope I have given people who don’t know what it is like an insight into how awful and compulsive this mental health illness is. I hope I have given someone who does have it the feeling that they’re not alone in this.

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SAM_0177After releasing my little secret into the world I felt a sense of relief. I thought, well.. at least now people will not question and hopefully won’t find it weird if they catch me pulling or searching my hair. The response from them have been amazing and so many people have contacted me saying things such as they didn’t know it existed and that they may have the same condition but not know about it. That is all I’ve ever wanted from these blogs, to raise awareness as well as letting people know that if they have the same condition that they are not ‘weird’ and they are not alone.

There are days where it is an absolute struggle to get yourself out of the state of you want to pull. It is hard to pull yourself up out of bed and face the world. There are days where you just don’t want to face anyone, you don’t want the world to ask you questions such as “Can you leave your hair alone for a minute?” “Doesn’t it hurt when you consistently pull all the time?” I have days like these, we all have days like these where we don’t want to face everyone but, if you put on something that makes you sassy and you take care of you, you will feel so much better.

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My five top tips for helping me deal with Trich and not getting out of bed which I have used lately are:

Once you do get out of bed, make it. Make your bed straight away. It helps me stop getting back in the covers and stay out.

Do some TLC. Put on a face mask. Put some extra make up on if you want or don’t wear make up at all. Put your fav sassy lipstick on. Wear your favourite clothes or just stay in your PJs. Do what you want but make sure it’s TLC.

BAKE CAKES. I did this the other day and this was also the best thing I’ve done in a while. What’s better than making food, waiting for it to cook then cool, decorate them THEN EAT THEM.

Take a walk. Even if its round the block or down the road. If you’re not feeling up to that open the window. Something about fresh air that makes you feel better.

Read your fav book and put on your fav music and turn it up LOUD. Dance around your room with your hair brush as a microphone or sit and have a cuppa tea with a book. Hell why not do both at the same time.

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This day of taking the photos (that were taken by my fabulous friend Sarah, find her blog here.. Didn’t she do such a fabulous job! Can’t wait to shoot with her again, thanks gal!) was such a success. I am so proud of myself for going out, with my hair down and not for once lifting my hand up to pull it. I can’t even tell you guys enough how much strength it took for me to do that. I do it both in the ‘I know I’m pulling I wish I could stop phase’ and ‘I’m watching TV, I’m out with friends I will automatically pull and not realise’ I was really aware the whole time of making myself, basically forcing myself not to pull. It was such a success as well because I had straightened my hair and I’m not sure if anyone else’s hair is the same as mine but when it’s had heat on it becomes coarse. Which is a massive massive trigger for me which starts me pulling. I knew there would be hairs like that and I didn’t even give Trich the time or the day. I can’t say the same for when I got home and watching TV because I caught myself doing it, but that was a massive, massive step for me. Massive. Let’s celebrate together!

Jacket – Zara sale (similar here)

Culottes – Zara sale (similar here)

Top – New Look (similar here)

Shoes – Primark (similar here)

 

Beautycon 23rd May

On Saturday (23rd May) I was lucky enough to attend London’s first Beautycon event, thanks to the lovely people at Liz Earle.

Beautycon is a convention where you can meet Youtubers, bloggers and have stands which sell beauty products for discounted prices (or if you’re lucky free!!)

It was a fabulous day as I was able to meet Youtubers that I have watched previously and bloggers. All bloggers/bloggers I met were lovely and were all up for a chat.

I was lucky enough to pick up some freebies as well. From Liz Earle I got their set of limited edition Cleanse and Polish set, a sample bottle of another Cleanse and Polish. From NYX I got an eyeliner which I’m so pleased about as I had just run out that morning. From Crown Brushes I picked up two brushes that I was desperate to buy at a cheaper discounted price. I also bought a nail varnish from Red Carpet Manicure which was super super cheap! Expect soon reviews of all the products I picked up.

Heres some photos from the day with fabulous vloggers/bloggers and my goodies:

Shannon and I pre selfie at the station!
Shannon and I pre selfie at the station!
Beautycon!!! We arrived!
Beautycon!!! We arrived!
Going up to meet the very very gorgeous Carli!
Going up to meet the very very gorgeous Carli!
AAH lets hug!
AAH lets hug!
Hugs!!!!
Hugs!!!!
Time for a piccccy!
Time for a piccccy!
And why not a selfie?
And why not a selfie?
The gorgeous Leanne Lim-Walker who I've previously illustrated!
The gorgeous Leanne Lim-Walker who I’ve previously illustrated!
The gorgeous and funny Claire and Amelia!
The gorgeous and funny Claire and Amelia!
NYX make up studio
NYX make up studio
Hey Samantha from PixieWoos
Hey Samantha from PixieWoos
The gorgeous and fun Rosie, Anchall and Prince of Vanity!
The gorgeous and fun Rosie, Anchall and Prince of Vanity!
Leanne Lim-Walker, Pretty Sickly and Tasha!
Leanne Lim-Walker, Pretty Sickly and Tasha!
The very very gorgeous Niomi Smart
The very very gorgeous Niomi Smart

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I’ll be back soon for a post with reviews. Thank you again Liz Earle for the tickets, I am so grateful and had an amazing day!

Speak soon x