Confidence VS Creativity

So, it’s got to the main crucial part in my whole degree… my FMP. An FMP is a final major project and it’s the last ever project I will do at university. You will then potentially show future employees after you leave. To me, that sounds scary.

I’ve been studying fashion graphics (which is basically fashion and graphic design combined) for three years now. I have enjoyed myself throughly on the course and I have definitely learned skills I never thought I had or could have. One of skills being digital illustration. My mum is very good at drawing and so is my uncle, so I’m guessing that’s where my creativity comes from. I love showing off the work I’ve created and proud of to people who follow me on social media, people I know and see day to day and professionals at interviews for work experience/freelance.

However, I am not that confident. To be honest it scares the living life out of me the need to be confident about ideas. I’ve never been that person in class that puts up their hand first to answer a question in a full class and I am definitely not that person who voices their opinions to a massive crowd. I have grown to be OK with that and accept it as part of me. This isn’t a blaming game but I do think school and the people who constantly used to tear me down and rip me apart have played a major role in shaping me to be this person. Of course, my anxiety isn’t exactly the biggest help either.

With my confidence not being the best, it effects the way I create for my degree and other pieces of work. I am never, ever confident with my ideas and every time I submit a piece of work I worry for hours and days about if it could of been better. I’m sure lots of people have this too but I will not rest about it. I always don’t think I’ve pushed myself to my full potential and this is probably the main reason why I feel this way. I want to ask for people’s opinions on things more and I want to ask for help if I’m stuck on something but my confidence just won’t let me.

I absolutely love seeing people do their best and do well. Nothing makes me happier and I am 100% routing for them. Yaaassss!!! But with everything I have, I just wish I could do the same for myself. Instead of sitting there for hours comparing myself to creatives I see/follow online and creatives I see on a daily basis, I wish I had the confidence to say “IM GOOD TOO!”

This lack of confidence is something I’m going to try my absolute best with in the last four months of uni – yikes!! I want to be able to leave my degree after being so proud of what I have achieved through my FMP and actually show my full potential and not hide back on ideas. Not to let my brain win when it tells me “don’t do that someone else would have done it better” or “your idea is rubbish, you share that everyone will laugh” I want to come out of this degree shouting my opinions around and not have those awful feelings after. After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.


At the end of the day, I am my own worst enemy. If it doesn’t change now, will it ever in the future? Will I get that dream job with no confidence? It’s time to make some changes

Follow my graphic design instagram if you’d like, it’ll be updated with my inspiration and development as well as personal projects along the way. Who knows, there could be more creative posts on here in the future!

Happy two years Southampton

Grab yourself a cuppa, this one is going to be long. Today marks exactly two years ago I made one of the biggest decisions and done the biggest thing I’ve ever done; move over 100 miles away from my family and friends. 100 miles away from home.

screen-shot-2016-09-17-at-19-51-46I still remember the run up to going away. I remember every time I went to go and visit my nan. She would have added an essential thing you needed to have when living on your own which I would never of thought of. You know things like medicine – of course you’ll need that at some point unless you’re supernatural and immune to all illnesses, if thats the case please give me your secret. My nan still does that to this day, tops me up with the stuff that I will need but may not already gone out to buy it or wouldn’t necessary bought with a food shop – thank you nan! I really appreciate it.

I also remember my going away meal. The meal where my family got together for a little goodbye to uni and I bought my good friend Shannon along. It was the weekend before I went and I remember then it kicking in that my family won’t just be down the road. That if I needed eggs to bake cakes I wasn’t able to just run to my nan and steal two eggs and instead have to go to the shop and grab six eggs and waste four because I don’t like eating eggs on their own.

However, it meant that I was about to start to gain my own independence and that was exciting. I was about to have all the freedom I possibly could have, not that I didn’t have that before but even more so now. It meant that I had to grow up, quickly. Hell did it smack me round the face as soon as I got there. Once I had grabbed my fob (I was staying in student halls first year, as many people do) and unloaded the car of way too much of my belongings into my room I’ll be living in for the next ten months, grabbed a food shop and saw my dad off which was hands down one of the worst times – ever, I headed back to my room and sat on my bed thinking, what now with tears down my face. Even now when I say bye I always cry, there’s something about your family leaving you down away that is just so so sad.

In my first year I’m not going to lie I got homesick a lot. To the point I wouldn’t leave my room and just lay in bed feeling sad. I missed the whole different lifestyle I had at home which I didn’t realise I had until I moved away. I would call any family member as many times as I could just to talk to them. I didn’t even meet the people I’m currently living now, who lived down my hallway until a few weeks in. Not every one has an experience like that but because I feel like I’m such a family girl, it hit me hard. Looking back on that to now I don’t get it nearly as much. I’ve finally got round to thinking in my head, I’m only a three hour train ride home, it’s not that bad. Besides, it’s so much nicer to go home and see my family after a long while, it feels more… special?

It’s no secret if you’ve read my blog before that I have a mental health illness which is triggered majorly by anxiety and depression. It was life changing moving away from home and battling with that. It’s made me more aware of how to look after myself more and it literally is just me here, to look after myself. If I’m sick and I don’t have medicine in, I have to go out and buy it and still make my dinner and get through the day. This is probably one of the biggest thing’s I’ve learnt. I have had an overwhelming amount of support for this, however. Last year, just after I had started my second year I went to seek help with dealing with anxiety and the way it was making me feel from the uni after advice. It helped me a lot. I’ve wrote about it in a blog post here.

All in all I have learnt a lot about myself. I have a stable job here now, I’ve been passing my university projects and now going into third year and I have my own little uni family. I know more than two people now, I know all the great coffee shops and take aways and I now have people down here who look out for me. I have no idea, how I’ve made it this far without going home… especially after them first few weeks, but I battled through it and still going now. It’s been an adventure for sure. I still haven’t left Southampton and gone anywhere else down the south coast, that is still on my list to do, as well as go the Isle of Wight.

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A massive special thank you to the family and friends who listen to my rants constantly. Who listen when I have something I’m finding difficult and just need to speak it out. Those who give the most invaluable advice and those who check up on me to see how I’m doing. Those who call me for hours and hours because I’m feeling alone and those who text me to make sure I’m OK. I appreciate it so much, so so much. Genuinely. If you have just moved to uni and feeling alone, down, don’t really know what to do.. please please do message me. I would so love to help you and give you tips.

I’m lucky now that I can call Southampton my second home and I’m proud of myself.

June Goals

We’re already in June – how on earth did that happen??? We’re half way through 2016 now which is also scary in its own right, my family were right when they say that as soon as you get older the years fly by because they really really do.

Heres the reflective part of this post, my first half of the year was, average. Average in the way that not a lot happened fun or exciting, which sucks. I feel like the majority of fun happens in the second half of the year with summer and then the run up to Christmas. I mean I did turn 22 in April which was fun and did a few cool trips such as going up The Shard, which… if you haven’t been was incredible. I also went to a few, not a lot because of working on the weekends messes everything up, blogging events which were fun. I also started an internship to then drop out of after three days to my own decision, sometimes things aren’t meant to be. It meant, however, that I had to spend money on getting to interviews (rail fare is SO expensive), getting around London and living in London with my friend for a few days. I now feel like I’m back at square one again but this time with a lot less finance to be able to do it sigh.

With this in mind however I have no finished university until the end of September/beginning of October and have a lot of spare time. I have got to complete 100 hours this summer in a placement to pass my degree – sigh. I have been thinking about what to do about this which will cost a lot less money. If you have any suggestions fellow creatives, please let me know. I have set myself a few realistic goals for this month which I’m going to try my hardest to reach, if I don’t there’ll be next month, I guess.

These goals are both personal/not so personal. Just some things to focus on this month.

  • Cut out additional sugars. I legit think I am addicted to sugar. I really really need to stop asap for my own health. It is becoming not ok and I’m well aware of it.
  • Go at least one day pull free. Just one day. This hasn’t happened in a while because I’ve been stressed and anxious about everything thats going on with the internship, getting something to pass the 100 hours and you know, general life stresses. I’ll be sure to update you all on my social media if this does happen, however – eek.
  • Get in contact with companies which I 100% want to get work experience with. Not just applying through panic and getting an internship I really don’t like again. That was not fun. I may do a blogpost on this soon about my experience with this internship and how to look for one which you love, if you’d be interested. Let me know.
  • Blog more. I’ve just recently started to share my experiences with mental health condition called Trichotillomania and the response/support I’ve received from it has been incredible. My blog posts about MH have been the ones which have been viewed/read the most and that makes me extremely happy and proud.
  • Get home and spend more time with my family. I’ve been home not even a week this year with university and I miss them home comforts so much. It is summer now and although I have to work overtime to pay the bills I must find some time just to take a break and re-coup at home. This also goes aside seeing my friends more often. I need to do this, need need need.

Do you guys have any goals and achievements you want to achieve this month? Let me know! I’m all interested in this.

Speak to you soon x

Giorgio Armani event.

On Friday evening I had the pleasure of joining Southampton bloggers, for the first time at an event. I was so excited to meet these girls as I had always missed out on other events they have held because of working on the weekend – ugh. I was also meeting a girly I’ve had a lot of conversations recently with, Sarah and its always nice to put a face to a blog!

Sarah and I decided to meet up before the event to grab a coffee and chill out, as it was both our first time with these girls. I, however ended up getting there later than I planned because I cut my finger open with a pair of scissors trying to get into eyeliner. You know the saying beauty is pain, literally.

We headed over to the event and was greeted with a rather large glass of prosecco, and I will 100% not say no to glass of bubbles, ever. We said hey to the other bloggers which was lovely and headed over to wear we would see a live make up demonstration. When we got to the place we would be sitting there was gorgeous Giorgio Armani goodie bags waiting for us – cute!! We sat down and had a chilled evening watching make up being done. The products that were used were passed around and we were able to swatch/smell them for ourselves. It took absolutely everything in me not to buy a lipstick. I’m such a sucker for lipsticks but to be realistic I’m a student on a very strict budget, I just couldn’t.. but maybe one day! After all my baby Chanel lippy needs a friend, right? I also loved the fluid sheer product. It went on so well not too runny not too think and when rubbed in my hand literally glistened.. that will also go on my ever growing make up wish list!

(Excuse my poorly finger, it was cut open by scissors!)

The event was so so so much fun and I thank Southampton Bloggers for a fab evening and thank John Lewis and Giorgio Armani for making it happen and being so kind and generous to us.

The goodie bag we received was super gorgeous too. Inside is a leaflet which shows all the products they sell as well as a leaflet to say about getting offers/updates straight to your emails. There were also three samples of products in there. A perfume called Cuior Nior, a cream called cream neara extrema and a primer called maestro uv 50+.

The perfume is a gorgeous scent. It is strong yet not too floral or too musky. I could see the scent being worn by a strong business women. It definitely stands out against all the other perfumes I already own but I would totally buy this. It has a long lasting smell too, I have worn it for a few hours and the smell hasn’t disappeared and still as strong as when I first sprayed it.

The cream and the primer are gorgeous too. I haven’t yet used them properly just swatched them as I don’t want to waste them, I’d rather use them for a very very special occasion until I can save to buy them for myself at a full size. When I put them both on the back of my hand they have the perfect consistency. When rubbed in gently they have left my skin feeling fresh and not as if I’ve put product on, and my skin is very very soft. I adore them both so much.

Overall Giorgio Armani will be in my top list to buy high end products from. The staff are lovely and the make up is to such a high standard.

I can’t wait to hopefully join more blogging events with these girls! I had the best time!

Speak soon.

 

Loreal Pro Hair Event

On Thursday 12th I went to a Loreal event in Shoreditch in the evening… It was the Loreal Hair Fashion night. I applied for tickets earlier that week but wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna go. I love going to Shoreditch as the street art always inspires me, with being a graphic designer and all. I had no idea where I was going and didn’t have enough 3G left on my phone to use Google Maps so I just followed my instinct. I headed down a road, then another and another and I found it! So excited!!!

I headed in on my own (the second event I’ve been to on my own) and the ladies there were lovely. One of the ladies made sure I was OK and knew where I was going (wish I got her name!!). We got given a voucher which entitled us to one free drink which I obviously took advantage off, especially as I was on my own and thought the alcohol would loosen me up more. I however chose to have my hair styled first, my thought process was that was gonna get busier quicker than the bar (I was right!!)

You got to choose how you wanted your hair to be styled. I chose mine to be waved. If you know or have seen my hair recently you would know it has literally so many colours in. To name a few there is; pink, blonde, grey, blue, purple, brown… who knows how many more there are in there? The stylist was lovely and asked how my day was and had a chat to me about my hair, as you can imagine, its damaged as anything. He was super lovely and my hair had a lot of photos/film taken of it… I guess the colours attracted people more to it.. who knows?

I then began Lydia Millen and Lily Pebbles begin their Q&A. Lydia is literally my favourite blogger there is. She’s stunning and her content on her blog/photos and Youtube are always my fav to read/watch. It was literally like you were stood there watching her Youtube video live. Incredible. I Illustrated her the day before in prep for my internship. I however suffer from such bad anxiety/nerves I couldn’t bring myself to say hello, even after a woman who works there asked who I was there for I didn’t say. Im now kicking myself as I wanted to meet her so much. Anxiety you suck.

I had a drink of rum and coke on them which made my evening and rounded it off perfectly as a celebration of my first day at my internship.

The goody bag is incredible and I cannot wait to try everything out that is in it and review it on my blog.

Everyone was so lovely and I’m so glad I pushed myself to actually walk in there in the end. I will never forget this evening.

Thank you Loreal Pro.

Birthday Purchase

Last Thursday it was my twenty second birthday and what.a.day. It was a perfect day out. I met up with two of my great friends Shannon and Sophie. I’ve always wanted a ‘high end’ lipstick. I have a few Mac lipstick but wanted at least one lipstick which I could single out to be THE ONE. You know what I mean?

Early afternoon after brunch and a little shop I headed into Selfridges. I love this shop, it has everything under one roof and always the place I go to buy my NYX make up and international fashion magazines. I adore it so much and can’t go to London without visiting.

I headed straight to Charlotte Tilbury first. I looked around their lipsticks as close as I could get anyway as it was busy, not sure if that was because they were giving out cute chocolate… (it was yummy!!)

Anyhow, I decided to walk on a little further and came across Chanel. Now surely it’s EVERY girls dream to own something Chanel, whether small or big… at the end of the day IT’S CHANEL! I walked over a little nervous as I know how awesome this brand is and a lot of bloggers I follow own their stuff. A really lovely lady came over and asked if we wanted help and because I had never bought from there before I needed a little direction. I knew I wanted a matte shade and in a nude colour. The lady showed me the most nude shade they had and in the matte style. I swatched it on my hand and LOVED it. I wouldn’t say it is a typical nude colour but it is really such a gorgeous lipstick.

The next question was, how much? Now I was thinking it would be at least £35-£40 because it being Chanel but to my surprise it was £26. I didn’t even have to think about it I wanted it straight away. I told the lovely lady it was my birthday and she kindly gift wrapped it… It even has THE RIBBON AND BAG! I’m seriously thinking of framing the bag, sad I know… but eeep!

Have you ever bought a high end lipstick and how what did you buy?

I really really love my lipstick and the customer service made buying it so much better.

 

5 things to do when you’re sad

We’ve finally left month of blues which is, January. I have seen many many posts on Twitter which people have said January is a trial month and February is the new ‘start’. It satisfies me a lot that today, the 1st of February has fell on a Monday.

Anyhow, if you find yourself feeling blue or down in the coming months here is five things I do when feeling down.

  1. Grab a cup of tea. I don’t know what it is about a cup of tea but it just instantly relaxes me. If you don’t like tea then try a hot chocolate or if you don’t like that then get your fave drink.. There’s nothing better than sitting with a magazine to read to take a break.
  2. Music.  Listening to music which have the words similar to how I’m feeling can help a lot. I often do this and grab a bar of chocolate and just listen to the words and try to relax. If you can relate to lyrics then it gives you the security that maybe someone else is going through a similar situation. A few of my fave songs which mean a lot to me are: Fight Song – Rachel Playten, Warrior – Demi Lovato, Mean – Taylor Swift/Clean – Taylor Swift. If that kind of music doesn’t help then stick a dance song on and dance around your room! Always makes me feel better too!
  3. Talk to a friend. There’s nothing like a good chat with a friend when you’re feeling down. Chat to them and tell them how you feel. Most the time when I do this they bring you back up and make you smile or they’re feeling the same way so it’s a win win to get everything out and help eachother.
  4. Bath. When I’m at home and not at uni I try to have a bath. Being in a room no one else can get in with my favourite music playing and soaking away until my skin looks like elephant trunks (I got told that’s what it’s called when I was little lol) is so relaxing.  Add a bath bomb and the world will be perfect again.
  5. Read or watch a film/TV show.Normally when I’m feeling down the dumps I don’t always want to be on social media. I feel a bit of a burden if I write about how sad I am, although sometimes I feel like my Twitter page is for anything for me to write on and I shouldn’t worry what other people think, but I do. Sometimes, however I do say how I’m feeling. We all are human after all and if you do that, that’s absolutely fine too. I often hide my phone away and grab a book. I’ve got two on the go at the moment and I’m not sure how or why I did that. Escaping to a fictional world is one of my favourite things to do. If you’re not a reader, which lets face it sometimes if you’ve been busy during the day you don’t always want to read stick your fave film on. That’s always a winner winner.

There you have it. That’s five things I do when I feel sad. I hope some of these tips can help you if you’re feeling a little under the weather and need a pick me up to relax. Let me know what you do when you’re sad and if you have any tips for what bath bomb is the best/music you listen to/books you read etc in the comments below.

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