Dear Trich – Part Three, A year on.

It’s been a year, one whole year since I wrote my first dear trich blogpost. It was one of the most liberating feeling talking directly to trich through the means of the internet, for some weird unknown reason. I then wrote a part two shortly after and both posts got a very good reaction. A year on I’ve decided to write to the beast that will always live with me.

Here we are again, Trich. Hi. A year ago I was angry, so angry with you. You were controlling my life. You were making me stay up hours and hours at night, making me not forget you were there and forced me to keep pulling my hair. I will never forget these times, never. 

No matter HOW hard I tried to stop, you would not let me. 

Fast forward a year and you are still here. To be honest, you’ll always be here. You still creep up on me day to day. I have now began to accept you will always be a part of me. 

A year ago, you were still my little secret, that only very few people knew about and now every one knows about you. Even to the point that I have now got myself a digital marketing and social media intern to help other people with hair loss, due to talking about you at the interview. I am not ashamed now, when I’m sat on the train, sat in the living room watching TV or even laying in bed to say, don’t mind me… it’s just trich reminding me, it’s still here. 

I have learnt that there are ways to help control it, although not all the time these work. I have learnt that now, if I put coconut oil on the ends of my hair, not only will it give my hair a conditioning treatment, it will help my fingers to slide down.  I also have to thank you actually, trich, for allowing me to have acrylics every month. My nails look sassy because of you. 

I recently went to my hair dressers to get it cut. Both you and I know that hairdressers are not the place to be. Especially when you are trying to explain those bald patches throughout your hair when they lift your hair up or that there are shorter parts at the side where I’ve snapped it off. I was so so nervous before. To the point I made myself late because I just couldn’t face going in. But… I went in. I gave myself right at that last moment after friends had insisted it would be OK before, that it will be OK. This was the time I decided not to hide you behind the excessive bleach use (that I don’t do no more, but only said it because it was easier) and instead spoke about what trichotillomania was. How it effects me and what triggers you and I came out feeling so much better and proud of myself for going in – something I would not of done a year ago. 

This past year you have made me a stronger person. It takes a lot of strength to deal with you everyday. Not only does it drain the life and soul out of you pulling your hair out every single day, but it does get you incredibly down. I feel so alone when I’m pulling my hair as it does make you zone out. But when I get the chance to talk about you, i.e. my interview before, it makes me feel less alone. Even though  my arm to have unbelievable aches every single day, to the point sometimes it feels like I have a dead arm. 

A year ago, I thought I’d never of got this far, a year later I have. You won’t beat me completely. I will keep fighting you day in day out. Maybe if one day you’re kind on me, I’ll be kind on you? 

Maybe see you in a year? Who knows. 

Charlotte.

 

Illustration by me:
ILLO

 

 

Advertisements

Trichy Days and Massive Goals

The blog for today has been inspired by the amount of support I’ve received from people of the inter-webs and people who I know. I’m so overwhelmed from the messages I receive when I post Trich blogs.

When I wrote my first ever Trich post I was so nervous. It was my little secret, something which although it destroys me and makes me emotional as well as angry, it was one thing the world didn’t know about me. Of course if people had seen me they would have noticed the 100 million times which my arm reaches my hair to grab the strands and snap off, but they may not necessary know the term for it. Many people thought it was a bad habit and something I would snap out of and just stop. Through my blog I hope I have given people who don’t know what it is like an insight into how awful and compulsive this mental health illness is. I hope I have given someone who does have it the feeling that they’re not alone in this.

SAM_0179

SAM_0177After releasing my little secret into the world I felt a sense of relief. I thought, well.. at least now people will not question and hopefully won’t find it weird if they catch me pulling or searching my hair. The response from them have been amazing and so many people have contacted me saying things such as they didn’t know it existed and that they may have the same condition but not know about it. That is all I’ve ever wanted from these blogs, to raise awareness as well as letting people know that if they have the same condition that they are not ‘weird’ and they are not alone.

There are days where it is an absolute struggle to get yourself out of the state of you want to pull. It is hard to pull yourself up out of bed and face the world. There are days where you just don’t want to face anyone, you don’t want the world to ask you questions such as “Can you leave your hair alone for a minute?” “Doesn’t it hurt when you consistently pull all the time?” I have days like these, we all have days like these where we don’t want to face everyone but, if you put on something that makes you sassy and you take care of you, you will feel so much better.

SAM_0185

SAM_0188

My five top tips for helping me deal with Trich and not getting out of bed which I have used lately are:

Once you do get out of bed, make it. Make your bed straight away. It helps me stop getting back in the covers and stay out.

Do some TLC. Put on a face mask. Put some extra make up on if you want or don’t wear make up at all. Put your fav sassy lipstick on. Wear your favourite clothes or just stay in your PJs. Do what you want but make sure it’s TLC.

BAKE CAKES. I did this the other day and this was also the best thing I’ve done in a while. What’s better than making food, waiting for it to cook then cool, decorate them THEN EAT THEM.

Take a walk. Even if its round the block or down the road. If you’re not feeling up to that open the window. Something about fresh air that makes you feel better.

Read your fav book and put on your fav music and turn it up LOUD. Dance around your room with your hair brush as a microphone or sit and have a cuppa tea with a book. Hell why not do both at the same time.

SAM_0183

SAM_0189

This day of taking the photos (that were taken by my fabulous friend Sarah, find her blog here.. Didn’t she do such a fabulous job! Can’t wait to shoot with her again, thanks gal!) was such a success. I am so proud of myself for going out, with my hair down and not for once lifting my hand up to pull it. I can’t even tell you guys enough how much strength it took for me to do that. I do it both in the ‘I know I’m pulling I wish I could stop phase’ and ‘I’m watching TV, I’m out with friends I will automatically pull and not realise’ I was really aware the whole time of making myself, basically forcing myself not to pull. It was such a success as well because I had straightened my hair and I’m not sure if anyone else’s hair is the same as mine but when it’s had heat on it becomes coarse. Which is a massive massive trigger for me which starts me pulling. I knew there would be hairs like that and I didn’t even give Trich the time or the day. I can’t say the same for when I got home and watching TV because I caught myself doing it, but that was a massive, massive step for me. Massive. Let’s celebrate together!

Jacket – Zara sale (similar here)

Culottes – Zara sale (similar here)

Top – New Look (similar here)

Shoes – Primark (similar here)

 

Newest plans

Summer is here – finally and hasn’t it been a hot one these past few days. Although I think I’ve only spent a combined hour in the sun actually sitting in it this past week I’m loving it. The sweaty nights however, not so fun. Any how, during this time I have been making plans. Plans which can lead to big big things potentially in the future. If you know me or read my blog before you will know I love goals and setting targets to reach.

Around this time last year I spent my summer from uni learning how to do fashion illustrations properly. With properly I mean developing how to draw them/shading/colouring and learning both programs Photoshop and Illustrator. I had an Instagram account which I’ve now merged into my own blog/personal/graphics account where I posted solely illustrations I created everyday for two months. They usually were celebrities or influencers and sometimes got reposted by these people which gave my account more exposure. I had people message me asking to make graphics/illustrations for their blogs/personal use and I never felt ready. I just needed that little extra time before I was ready to do them.

Well… I’m now ready. I have to complete 100 hours of work placement this summer for me to be able to complete my degree, I know right.. pressure. I have already tried out an internship and felt it wasn’t for me. I have also applied for many and the ones I really want haven’t got back to me – I can’t wait to graduate and apply for junior graphic designer jobs. I am soooo ready. I feel like making illustrations for other people will not only possibly help me get these hours to complete the degree but it will also help gain more skills, as you know the saying practice makes perfect and all that.

I’ve decided for now I will only be doing digital illustrations until I magically come into more money as I don’t have the £’s this summer to make physical prints, but maybe that could be something to do in the future.

Here are a few of the recent illustrations I’ve done and I’d be happy to create ones to anyone who would like one at a small cost.

Please let me know if this is something you would be interested in happening and I’ll see if I can make it happen.

Tweet me at @charnicolelucas or you could always send me an email: charlottenlucas14@gmail.com where I’d be happy to discuss with you further!

 

June Goals

We’re already in June – how on earth did that happen??? We’re half way through 2016 now which is also scary in its own right, my family were right when they say that as soon as you get older the years fly by because they really really do.

Heres the reflective part of this post, my first half of the year was, average. Average in the way that not a lot happened fun or exciting, which sucks. I feel like the majority of fun happens in the second half of the year with summer and then the run up to Christmas. I mean I did turn 22 in April which was fun and did a few cool trips such as going up The Shard, which… if you haven’t been was incredible. I also went to a few, not a lot because of working on the weekends messes everything up, blogging events which were fun. I also started an internship to then drop out of after three days to my own decision, sometimes things aren’t meant to be. It meant, however, that I had to spend money on getting to interviews (rail fare is SO expensive), getting around London and living in London with my friend for a few days. I now feel like I’m back at square one again but this time with a lot less finance to be able to do it sigh.

With this in mind however I have no finished university until the end of September/beginning of October and have a lot of spare time. I have got to complete 100 hours this summer in a placement to pass my degree – sigh. I have been thinking about what to do about this which will cost a lot less money. If you have any suggestions fellow creatives, please let me know. I have set myself a few realistic goals for this month which I’m going to try my hardest to reach, if I don’t there’ll be next month, I guess.

These goals are both personal/not so personal. Just some things to focus on this month.

  • Cut out additional sugars. I legit think I am addicted to sugar. I really really need to stop asap for my own health. It is becoming not ok and I’m well aware of it.
  • Go at least one day pull free. Just one day. This hasn’t happened in a while because I’ve been stressed and anxious about everything thats going on with the internship, getting something to pass the 100 hours and you know, general life stresses. I’ll be sure to update you all on my social media if this does happen, however – eek.
  • Get in contact with companies which I 100% want to get work experience with. Not just applying through panic and getting an internship I really don’t like again. That was not fun. I may do a blogpost on this soon about my experience with this internship and how to look for one which you love, if you’d be interested. Let me know.
  • Blog more. I’ve just recently started to share my experiences with mental health condition called Trichotillomania and the response/support I’ve received from it has been incredible. My blog posts about MH have been the ones which have been viewed/read the most and that makes me extremely happy and proud.
  • Get home and spend more time with my family. I’ve been home not even a week this year with university and I miss them home comforts so much. It is summer now and although I have to work overtime to pay the bills I must find some time just to take a break and re-coup at home. This also goes aside seeing my friends more often. I need to do this, need need need.

Do you guys have any goals and achievements you want to achieve this month? Let me know! I’m all interested in this.

Speak to you soon x

Loreal Pro Hair Event

On Thursday 12th I went to a Loreal event in Shoreditch in the evening… It was the Loreal Hair Fashion night. I applied for tickets earlier that week but wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna go. I love going to Shoreditch as the street art always inspires me, with being a graphic designer and all. I had no idea where I was going and didn’t have enough 3G left on my phone to use Google Maps so I just followed my instinct. I headed down a road, then another and another and I found it! So excited!!!

I headed in on my own (the second event I’ve been to on my own) and the ladies there were lovely. One of the ladies made sure I was OK and knew where I was going (wish I got her name!!). We got given a voucher which entitled us to one free drink which I obviously took advantage off, especially as I was on my own and thought the alcohol would loosen me up more. I however chose to have my hair styled first, my thought process was that was gonna get busier quicker than the bar (I was right!!)

You got to choose how you wanted your hair to be styled. I chose mine to be waved. If you know or have seen my hair recently you would know it has literally so many colours in. To name a few there is; pink, blonde, grey, blue, purple, brown… who knows how many more there are in there? The stylist was lovely and asked how my day was and had a chat to me about my hair, as you can imagine, its damaged as anything. He was super lovely and my hair had a lot of photos/film taken of it… I guess the colours attracted people more to it.. who knows?

I then began Lydia Millen and Lily Pebbles begin their Q&A. Lydia is literally my favourite blogger there is. She’s stunning and her content on her blog/photos and Youtube are always my fav to read/watch. It was literally like you were stood there watching her Youtube video live. Incredible. I Illustrated her the day before in prep for my internship. I however suffer from such bad anxiety/nerves I couldn’t bring myself to say hello, even after a woman who works there asked who I was there for I didn’t say. Im now kicking myself as I wanted to meet her so much. Anxiety you suck.

I had a drink of rum and coke on them which made my evening and rounded it off perfectly as a celebration of my first day at my internship.

The goody bag is incredible and I cannot wait to try everything out that is in it and review it on my blog.

Everyone was so lovely and I’m so glad I pushed myself to actually walk in there in the end. I will never forget this evening.

Thank you Loreal Pro.

Birthday Purchase

Last Thursday it was my twenty second birthday and what.a.day. It was a perfect day out. I met up with two of my great friends Shannon and Sophie. I’ve always wanted a ‘high end’ lipstick. I have a few Mac lipstick but wanted at least one lipstick which I could single out to be THE ONE. You know what I mean?

Early afternoon after brunch and a little shop I headed into Selfridges. I love this shop, it has everything under one roof and always the place I go to buy my NYX make up and international fashion magazines. I adore it so much and can’t go to London without visiting.

I headed straight to Charlotte Tilbury first. I looked around their lipsticks as close as I could get anyway as it was busy, not sure if that was because they were giving out cute chocolate… (it was yummy!!)

Anyhow, I decided to walk on a little further and came across Chanel. Now surely it’s EVERY girls dream to own something Chanel, whether small or big… at the end of the day IT’S CHANEL! I walked over a little nervous as I know how awesome this brand is and a lot of bloggers I follow own their stuff. A really lovely lady came over and asked if we wanted help and because I had never bought from there before I needed a little direction. I knew I wanted a matte shade and in a nude colour. The lady showed me the most nude shade they had and in the matte style. I swatched it on my hand and LOVED it. I wouldn’t say it is a typical nude colour but it is really such a gorgeous lipstick.

The next question was, how much? Now I was thinking it would be at least £35-£40 because it being Chanel but to my surprise it was £26. I didn’t even have to think about it I wanted it straight away. I told the lovely lady it was my birthday and she kindly gift wrapped it… It even has THE RIBBON AND BAG! I’m seriously thinking of framing the bag, sad I know… but eeep!

Have you ever bought a high end lipstick and how what did you buy?

I really really love my lipstick and the customer service made buying it so much better.

 

NYX lip cream review

I have been looking everywhere, after reading endless reviews on them, for some NYX make up. I was in London the other week and they have a little section inside Selfridges and of course, I couldn’t walk by without buying something. I have heard lots of good things about the lip creams so I picked up a pink and a more nude shade, looks more orangey.

I was so excited to try them as they were only £5.50 each. I bought the Istanbul one and the Cairo one. They both go on very very easy and set matte. Cairo goes on as what reminds me of the colour that when I was at high school, putting foundation on your lips but somehow it still looks great. It looks even better when put on top of the Istanbul lip cream. They both smell really really good as well when you put them on.  I wear them daily as the colours are suitable for day to day wear.

When I next head into London I will definitely buy some more and try out other product. Which NYX products are your favourite?