Life as a Graduate Part One.

So… here’s my little insight for you all into the world of a recent graduate. Twelve weeks ago today, I handed in my final major project at university. Crazy! I miss the work load strangely, I miss the knowing that I was working towards something great and I miss seeing my friends almost every day as well as living with some. I also miss the independence uni gave me and how everything was so much closer to me down at uni. Since the uni days, I just feel like every day that goes by I can slowly feel my creativity slip a way a little more, or so I think it is.

I am losing my mind every day applying for six – nine jobs whilst simultaneously getting emailed replies from other companies declining job applications. Some not even giving a few hours and instantly replying saying, no chance. (I once got an email that said I don’t think this role is worth your application – great, loved that.)

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(Pic by my good friend Aisha’s dad – woo graduation day!)

Right now, I am currently in that stage of looking for a graduate job whether that be an internship that pays for at least my travel and food expenses or a junior graphic designer job.

The only thing with this is, many jobs require experience. How am I meant to get real life experience if people don’t give you the chance? That phrase real life keeps coming up. I’m over it. I do, however, have a real big issue with internships that don’t pay and especially now I’ve graduated with a decent degree. I personally feel they exploit new creatives with fresh ideas to build their company up and for what? Many of them… nothing. I know that completing at least even a week of an internship will ultimately become part of your CV. Β This way, it can count towards experience every company wants you to have, but internships could also be unpractical if you have no money – like myself. For example, for me to get to an internship in peak hours it would cost me Β£600 a month on travel only, for free work.Β 

I’ve found that the interviews I’ve been to so far have also bigged you up and make you believe you are suitable for a role and then, sadly, will see someone else for an interview and they have better experience than you. Even if that’s just a tiny bit and you’re back to square one. Who would of thought that sitting at a computer all day every day refreshing websites for potential jobs, going to interviews and then restarting the process can be mentally and of course physically exhausting.

I’m also aware that I haven’t finished uni that long ago and I also know that jobs take a while to get but I’m feeling frustrated in this job search and ultimately, lost. Let alone the massive pressure to get a job in the degree you studied the past three years and spent a fortune on. It feels like an endless cycle right now and no matter how hard I try and think… if I don’t get this job or I don’t get that reply, it’s not the right one for me… it is disheartening. I find myself feeling angry that maybe I’m not good enough for the career I want to go into and the constant declines are making me believe it more and more.

When I first got my few replies back about job interviews/phone call interviews I was excited that I posted on my social media and let those really close know. But with the constant not getting them, even though I’m trying my hardest… I’ve began not to let them know. That phrase… build your success silently is coming to my mind. Maybe if I don’t shout about these things, it will work in my favour? I don’t know… my brain is weird.

I have really and truly hit those graduate blues and I’m not sure how many more days I can sit on my sofa, refreshing job applications and watching Netflix I can take before going out my mind. I’m just so so nervous thinking I’m not good enough for my career I want to take. It’s becoming more and more believable the more I get jobs declined.

I just want a chance in this real world, I’m almost over it, already… before things have started.

 

 

 

Bullying VS Trich

The one thing I love about my blog is that I now have the confidence to share my experiences to help other people know they aren’t alone. That is what I hope to do with this post. In my first ever Trich post explaining an overall of my story and what Trich is I mentioned about bullying. Bullying was such a massive massive part of my schooling. I was bullied constantly for nine years. Right from year three through to year eleven. It was a huge part of my life. I’m not going to go into every single detail about how I was bullied in this post but I will give some examples. I think it so emotional and so upsetting thinking back to this time, how a groups of people can make someone feel that bad. I would still like to know what goes through a bullies mind to make them chose ways to mentally, emotionally and sadly sometimes physically destroy innocent people.

I will talk more of my high school experience of bullying as that is more prominent in my mind. I was bullied, believe it or not, for having a ‘square shaped head’ I know right, ridiculous? I had Spongebob Squarepants shouted, and I mean physically shouted at across classrooms, down corridors, around corners and even in the street. I would have the theme tune hummed as I walked by. I had square head shouted and drilled into my mind every single day whilst in high school that I began to believe I had one and there was something wrong with me. I had people walk by me making square gestures with their hands, a bit like big fish little fish cardboard box. These people were usually in groups which I still find funny now that if I saw them on their own they wouldn’t even think of doing it. You know perhaps showing off to their mates to look ‘cool’ but instead they were awful people and they were destroying someones self belief and worth.

Having words like these drilled in your head for years makes your self confidence and self worth plummet. I still to this day am not as confident as what I would like to be. I used to be so scared to put my hand up in class if I knew the answer, incase it was wrong and the class would abrupt into a laughter and shout horrible, horrible things to me. Now, looking back I shouldn’t of cared. I should of gone for it but they made me feel so so so bad. I have presentations at uni now, which I do almost every week to show how we develop our ideas I still feel sick, I still shake and I still have panic attacks about them now. I blame the bullies for this completely.Β 

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Whilst they were shouting things at me in the classroom I had to have something which distracted me. I needed something which I could block out their voices and laughter. I needed something that showed them I didn’t care, although I cared so so much. I didn’t have the voice then to tell them to be quiet and go away. I didn’t have the confidence and I 100% didn’t have the power, especially when they were in groups.

That’s when Trich came in. I’ve mentioned before that when I go to pull my hair, most of the time I get into a trance state which I can’t get out of until Trich is satisfied. I barely know what’s going on around me and my hair took full focus. Back then, I used to blame the fact I was nervous onto why I pulled my hair as I had no idea what it was. I used to pull and snap away and away. I didn’t understand Trich at all back then. I didn’t even know what it was so I didn’t have near enough as much frustration with it then as I do now. I got angry because I couldn’t stop. I got told more and more and no one understood that I couldn’t and I was in fact using it as a coping mechanism to get past these awful bullies.

Although this was only one part of what bullies done, they also stopped me from coming out of school and in school on time because of waiting at the gate for when I left. I was so physically scared that I would go into registration late almost every morning and have a teacher walk me to the gate at the end of the day. That happened all the way up to year ten. They stopped me from ‘hanging’ around with my friends at lunchtime and made me be on my own many lunchtimes. They used to corner me in classrooms and in changing rooms and were just so nasty to me, saying awful things that weren’t true. I had rumours made up about me and I was basically the girl they could throw all this shit to and nothing happen because I was that scared. I did tell teachers but I still think to this day they were scared of them too and didn’t want to make a massive deal of it. It didn’t stop at school either, I hadΒ messages on Bebo remember them days?Β that would be nasty. They used to make me scared to log on to see what was in my inbox. I think their mission was to stop me from having any social time at all, in real life or on the internet.Β Screen Shot 2016-10-02 at 11.38.52.pngI’ve now sat and thought about it and now I’m grateful it happened like that at school. I wouldn’t know now how to stand up for myself without them tormenting me all the time. I wouldn’t know that I have this strength inside me to say enough is enough if it started up again. I would not let anyone, whoever they are, make me feel like that ever again. They may have ‘grown up’ and forgot about the way they treated people like me at school but I haven’t. They have mentally scarred my self confidence and self worth.

If you are being bullied then please please message me. On any of my social media or email. I know what you’re going through 100%. I’ve been there and I’ve done it but trust me it gets better. Please don’t let them take control of you. If you have a teacher you like at school then please go and tell them. You don’t have to put up with it. You shouldn’t put up with it. You can overcome them. You’re so much stronger than you think, trust me.

And finally, to them bullies… THANK YOU for making me the strong person I am today. You may have made my life hell for nine years but now I’m stronger than you could imagine. You didn’t win, I DID, I WON.

Here are some organisations which can help you if you’re getting bullied, they’re there to listen to you also and give the best advice they can… Please don’t be afraid to get in contact if you need them:

June Goals

We’re already in June – how on earth did that happen??? We’re half way through 2016 now which is also scary in its own right, my family were right when they say that as soon as you get older the years fly by because they really really do.

Heres the reflective part of this post, my first half of the year was, average. Average in the way that not a lot happened fun or exciting, which sucks. I feel like the majority of fun happens in the second half of the year with summer and then the run up to Christmas. I mean I did turn 22 in April which was fun and did a few cool trips such as going up The Shard, which… if you haven’t been was incredible. I also went to a few, not a lot because of working on the weekends messes everything up, blogging events which were fun. I also started an internship to then drop out of after three days to my own decision, sometimes things aren’t meant to be. It meant, however, that I had to spend money on getting to interviews (rail fare is SO expensive), getting around London and living in London with my friend for a few days. I now feel like I’m back at square one again but this time with a lot less finance to be able to do it sigh.

With this in mind however I have no finished university until the end of September/beginning of October and have a lot of spare time. I have got to complete 100 hours this summer in a placement to pass my degree – sigh. I have been thinking about what to do about this which will cost a lot less money. If you have any suggestions fellow creatives, please let me know. I have set myself a few realistic goals for this month which I’m going to try my hardest to reach, if I don’t there’ll be next month, I guess.

These goals are both personal/not so personal. Just some things to focus on this month.

  • Cut out additional sugars. I legit think I am addicted to sugar. I really really need to stop asap for my own health. It is becoming not ok and I’m well aware of it.
  • Go at least one day pull free. Just one day. This hasn’t happened in a while because I’ve been stressed and anxious about everything thats going on with the internship, getting something to pass the 100 hours and you know, general life stresses. I’ll be sure to update you all on my social media if this does happen, however – eek.
  • Get in contact with companies which I 100% want to get work experience with. Not just applying through panic and getting an internship I really don’t like again. That was not fun. I may do a blogpost on this soon about my experience with this internship and how to look for one which you love, if you’d be interested. Let me know.
  • Blog more. I’ve just recently started to share my experiences with mental health condition called Trichotillomania and the response/support I’ve received from it has been incredible. My blog posts about MH have been the ones which have been viewed/read the most and that makes me extremely happy and proud.
  • Get home and spend more time with my family. I’ve been home not even a week this year with university and I miss them home comforts so much. It is summer now and although I have to work overtime to pay the bills I must find some time just to take a break and re-coup at home. This also goes aside seeing my friends more often. I need to do this, need need need.

Do you guys have any goals and achievements you want to achieve this month? Let me know! I’m all interested in this.

Speak to you soon x

Giorgio Armani event.

On Friday evening I had the pleasure of joining Southampton bloggers, for the first time at an event. I was so excited to meet these girls as I had always missed out on other events they have held because of working on the weekend – ugh. I was also meeting a girly I’ve had a lot of conversations recently with, Sarah and its always nice to put a face to a blog!

Sarah and I decided to meet up before the event to grab a coffee and chill out, as it was both our first time with these girls. I, however ended up getting there later than I planned because I cut my finger open with a pair of scissors trying to get into eyeliner. You know the saying beauty is pain, literally.

We headed over to the event and was greeted with a rather large glass of prosecco, and I will 100% not say no to glass of bubbles, ever. We said hey to the other bloggers which was lovely and headed over to wear we would see a live make up demonstration. When we got to the place we would be sitting there was gorgeous Giorgio Armani goodie bags waiting for us – cute!! We sat down and had a chilled evening watching make up being done. The products that were used were passed around and we were able to swatch/smell them for ourselves. It took absolutely everything in me not to buy a lipstick. I’m such a sucker for lipsticks but to be realistic I’m a student on a very strict budget, I just couldn’t.. but maybe one day! After all my baby Chanel lippy needs a friend, right? I also loved the fluid sheer product. It went on so well not too runny not too think and when rubbed in my hand literally glistened.. that will also go on my ever growing make up wish list!

(Excuse my poorly finger, it was cut open by scissors!)

The event was so so so much fun and I thank Southampton BloggersΒ for a fab evening and thank John Lewis and Giorgio Armani for making it happen and being so kind and generous to us.

The goodie bag we received was super gorgeous too. Inside is a leaflet which shows all the products they sell as well as a leaflet to say about getting offers/updates straight to your emails. There were also three samples of products in there. A perfume called Cuior Nior, a cream called cream neara extrema and a primer called maestro uv 50+.

The perfume is a gorgeous scent. It is strong yet not too floral or too musky. I could see the scent being worn by a strong business women. It definitely stands out against all the other perfumes I already own but I would totally buy this. It has a long lasting smell too, I have worn it for a few hours and the smell hasn’t disappeared and still as strong as when I first sprayed it.

The cream and the primer are gorgeous too. I haven’t yet used them properly just swatched them as I don’t want to waste them, I’d rather use them for a very very special occasion until I can save to buy them for myself at a full size. When I put them both on the back of my hand they have the perfect consistency. When rubbed in gently they have left my skin feeling fresh and not as if I’ve put product on, and my skin is very very soft. I adore them both so much.

Overall Giorgio Armani will be in my top list to buy high end products from. The staff are lovely and the make up is to such a high standard.

I can’t wait to hopefully join more blogging events with these girls! I had the best time!

Speak soon.

 

Loreal Pro Hair Event

On Thursday 12th I went to a Loreal event in Shoreditch in the evening… It was the Loreal Hair Fashion night. I applied for tickets earlier that week but wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna go.Β I love going to Shoreditch as the street art always inspires me, with being a graphic designer and all. I had no idea where I was going and didn’t have enough 3G left on my phone to use Google Maps so I just followed my instinct. I headed down a road, then another and another and I found it! So excited!!!

I headed in on my own (the second event I’ve been to on my own) and the ladies there were lovely. One of the ladies made sure I was OK and knew where I was going (wish I got her name!!). We got given a voucher which entitled us to one free drink which I obviously took advantage off, especially as I was on my own and thought the alcohol would loosen me up more. I however chose to have my hair styled first, my thought process was that was gonna get busier quicker than the bar (I was right!!)

You got to choose how you wanted your hair to be styled. I chose mine to be waved. If you know or have seen my hair recently you would know it has literally so many colours in. To name a few there is; pink, blonde, grey, blue, purple, brown… who knows how many more there are in there? The stylist was lovely and asked how my day was and had a chat to me about my hair, as you can imagine, its damaged as anything. He was super lovely and my hair had a lot of photos/film taken of it… I guess the colours attracted people more to it.. who knows?

I then began Lydia Millen and Lily Pebbles begin their Q&A. Lydia is literally my favourite blogger there is. She’s stunning and her content on her blog/photos and Youtube are always my fav to read/watch. It was literally like you were stood there watching her Youtube video live. Incredible. I Illustrated her the day before in prep for my internship. I however suffer from such bad anxiety/nerves I couldn’t bring myself to say hello, even after a woman who works there asked who I was there for I didn’t say. Im now kicking myself as I wanted to meet her so much. Anxiety you suck.

I had a drink of rum and coke on them which made my evening and rounded it off perfectly as a celebration of my first day at my internship.

The goody bag is incredible and I cannot wait to try everything out that is in it and review it on my blog.

Everyone was so lovely and I’m so glad I pushed myself to actually walk in there in the end. I will never forget this evening.

Thank you Loreal Pro.

Body shop review

I am always on the look out for new foundations. I have been loving Loreal’s Infallible foundation recently. My skin is very very pale so it’s always a struggle to find one that doesn’t make my skin look really pale.

However there was a student sessions on at West Quay in Southampton last Thursday and of course if there is a bargain I’m going to pick it up. I needed some new musling cloths for my Liz Earle cleanse and polish (which I adore) and saw they had a make up range in the Body Shop.

I’ve read a few posts on the Body Shop’s make up and they always get positive reviews (the ones I read anyways!) I’m running low on foundation so what a time to purchase one from The Body Shop, especially if they had 20% discount. I picked up the shade Chelsea Porcelain after swatching it on my hand, it was the palest they had in store.

The next morning was the ideal time to try it out. I squirted enough on the back of my hand and was surprised. It hasn’t got a thick consistency and it runs on my hand as I tilt it away. It reminds me of Loreal’s True Match foundation. As it is so runny it applies easily to the face and lasts all day. I am excited to get to know this foundation better and continue wearing it day to day.

You can purchase The Body Shop’s foundation here.

What foundations are your favourite? Especially if you have very pale skin like me, I’m up for trying any.

Birthday Purchase

Last Thursday it was my twenty second birthday and what.a.day. It was a perfect day out. I met up with two of my great friends Shannon and Sophie. I’ve always wanted a ‘high end’ lipstick. I have a few Mac lipstick but wanted at least one lipstick which I could single out to be THE ONE. You know what I mean?

Early afternoon after brunch and a little shop I headed into Selfridges. I love this shop, it has everything under one roof and always the place I go to buy my NYX make up and international fashion magazines. I adore it so much and can’t go to London without visiting.

I headed straight to Charlotte Tilbury first. I looked around their lipsticks as close as I could get anyway as it was busy, not sure if that was because they were giving out cute chocolate… (it was yummy!!)

Anyhow, I decided to walk on a little further and came across Chanel. Now surely it’s EVERY girls dream to own something Chanel, whether small or big… at the end of the day IT’S CHANEL! I walked over a little nervous as I know how awesome this brand is and a lot of bloggers I follow own their stuff. A really lovely lady came over and asked if we wanted help and because I had never bought from there before I needed a little direction. I knew I wanted a matte shade and in a nude colour. The lady showed me the most nude shade they had and in the matte style. I swatched it on my hand and LOVED it. I wouldn’t say it is a typical nude colour but it is really such a gorgeous lipstick.

The next question was, how much? Now I was thinking it would be at least Β£35-Β£40 because it being Chanel but to my surprise it was Β£26. I didn’t even have to think about it I wanted it straight away. I told the lovely lady it was my birthday and she kindly gift wrapped it… It even has THE RIBBON AND BAG! I’m seriously thinking of framing the bag, sad I know… but eeep!

Have you ever bought a high end lipstick and how what did you buy?

I really really love my lipstick and the customer service made buying it so much better.