Recently I have regained one of my personal items which has so many of my old photos on, my iPod. I’ve had this iPod for SO long, years in fact. I used to use it instead of a phone as it had the features of a phone and a camera. You know me, always taking selfies, selfies selfies selfies – all day long. However, during these times I also captured how you destroyed my hair and my self confidence. I captured it all.
One train journey I was sat listening to the music and thought I’d have a look on my iPod and found there was over 7,000 photos on there.. how? You always seem to think long journeys are OK for me to pull my hair, but today I’m not giving you the satisfaction. I will not be pulling.
A few scrolls up I begin to see photos from a few years ago.. Photos where my hair is literally destroyed from you and how sad I look. How I knew I could never take the perfect photo for my social media to fit in with the trends, because of you. Maybe you just didn’t think I would be worthy of a good picture so you made me destroy the part of me which I’m most self conscious about. Who knows? I couldn’t even tye my hair up, you made that incredible difficult too. All underneath was broken as well as the sides.
What was worse, I was way too afraid to tell people who you were. Why I was pulling my hair out. Why I was snapping my hair off. Why I had so many hair clips in my hair just to tie it up (I counted once – 12 hair grips). Why I had considerably shorter hair on the sides and underneath. WHY I just felt awkward in selfies and why I tried to hide the hair the best I could. I was ashamed of you. I was ashamed that I was letting you ruin my appearance. I was also scared that if I told people what it really was they’d think I was strange and it would drive them away from me, just because of you. You made my life, hell.
Then another year came round and I’ve now decided that you will not rule me anymore. I’ve learnt so much about you. I found out why you make me do this. Why you want me to feel sad and down all the time. Now, I will try my absolute hardest to not let my confidence be affected by you. Why should I? I have decided to speak out about you. I’ve decided to not let you just sit inside me and decided that other people should know about you and the effects you have on people. I have decided that I will try and resist it every single time you say to me I should be pulling or there is a coarse bit in my hair. I will try and beat you, as hard as I can.
Due to trying all these things my hair has grown a lot more at the sides and underneath. It has probably made you mad, but it’s made me happy. That’s the main thing. I will carry on trying to beat you and I will encourage anyone/everyone I know they can do it too. They can get on and be confident without you. They can become stronger from this. I will also continue to bring your name up in conversations and carry on raising awareness about you so people do not have to suffer alone.
We can all do this. We won’t let Trich beat us.
Charlotte, a trich fighter.