I’ve always wondered what I would say to Trichotillomania (Trich) if it was a person and I only had one chance to say/write a letter to it. I’m not sure if it would be polite or if i’d let my anger out on it, after all.. it does stop me from feeling 100% comfortable in my own skin as well as makes me feel like I can’t do certain things. In this post I’m going to write out a letter in which I would send if Trich was a person. It hasn’t been a great week on the Trich front but I still won’t let it beat me. I have drawn an illustration of one of the ways it has made me feel like and attached it to this blog post.
I would like to ask why? Why do you, when I get stressed, nervous or even just as simple as being bored, do you give me the impulse to pull and snap off my hair? You have no idea how much it makes me self conscious. Although it only really affects the sides of my hair and underneath as they are incredibly shorter than the rest of my hair, it still makes me self conscious.
Why when I go for interviews, step out my comfort zone and meet new people/do new things or if I get news which I don’t know how to really process and take in do you think its OK for me to instantly start snapping and pulling, whether I’m on my own or even out in public surrounded by people. Why won’t you leave me alone to deal with it in another way instead of automatically sending the impulses to pull.
Although I have all these questions and anger in me to ask you these things I also somehow have a little thank you inside of me. I mean it’s not a massive thank you, for the majority of the time you set out to make me feel angry but I do have a little thank you. Thank you making me into a stronger person. You give me this daily battle whether its during the day or night and it challenges me, but overall it makes me so much of a stronger person. You make me want to more than ever after having a pulling episode, want to stop even more so than I did before. Although you make this very difficult I still believe that one day I will beat you. I will overcome you.