I’d like to start this blogpost off with saying a massive thank you for the love and support from my recent trich blog post. I wrote a very brief post about trich to raise awareness about the condition during mental health awareness week. I had people messaging me and private messaging me thanking me for making them aware of this awful condition and it made me super happy.
Todays blogpost is another personal one, I’d say it is gonna be quite lengthy but I hope it gives you all more of an idea of my story. This post was originally going to be a video but it ended up being a blogpost because I’m way too shy for a video.
It all began when I was a lot younger and just started school. I phoned my dad the other day to have a chat about this and he told me we went to a doctor about pulling my hair out when I had just started school. Around that time we all know it can be stressful, starting new things with anticipation and the thought of what may or may not happen. Not only around this time I was starting school, but my parents were going through a divorce. Trich is most common for playing up within myself when I feel stressed or super anxious. I can’t remember exactly what it was like and what was on my mind at that time but I know it wasn’t a great time.
My trich was then up and down throughout my time at school and high school. I remember whilst being at school I was bullied a lot. I don’t want to go into that a lot but people were not nice and I definitely didn’t have the best time throughout school. Being bullied for things that are absolutely out of your control, such as the shape of your head makes you feel super self conscious above anything else. I used to pull my hair as a distraction from hearing people yell things across the classroom to me. I was able to zone out and just pull my hair. Nothing in that moment mattered.
I then moved on from school and headed into college with a whole new bunch of people. These people were new and fresh and were lovely. I didn’t stick with the course for long, as it was childcare. I finished the course in February/March time even after just starting in September. It just wasn’t for me. I do however remember being in a classroom whilst studying this course and playing with my hair yet again. I think it was triggered again, from things happening at home. My dad had just got a new girlfriend and again it was change. Change, my hair and I do not mix very well. I remember it vividly up until now that I found a hair that seemed thicker and felt different than the others and I pulled it out. I then began the search for more and the search still continues even now.
Its been up and down from there. I really noticed it a lot more when I finished college as well. A lot of stuff has happened with personal issues and I think it has all piled up into one. I also moved away from home to a brand new different place and started a degree, which I’m about to go into my third year of. I find myself doing it now only in certain situations, for example.. new job interview, meeting new people, getting news I’m not certain of, doing something which pushes me out of my comfort zone etc. Unfortunately it’s my hair that suffers from this and I do absolutely try my hardest to control it, after it literally taking over my life from such a young age.
However, having this disorder is my way to cope. To take my mind off things that are happening and in those minutes its relaxing. When I do however come out of this state I feel angry and frustrated. There has to be other ways to cope without pulling out my hair? It’s definitely something that I still need to work on. I need to learn different techniques for dealing with it ASAP.
Remember always that it is OK not to be OK, even as cliche as it sounds. We all have ways to deal with things, and sadly this is mine. Maybe one day I will feel OK with my appearance from the after effects of this, maybe I’ll have hair all one length and don’t have to wear it up daily, unless I’m having a confident day where I’ll wear it down for a day. Maybe one day… but for now, this is me and if you have trich or something similar, remember – you are not alone.